Margaritaville

Sitting here, being my lonely alcoholic self, I realized something. Do you know what the best part of Margarita's is? Tequila. Oh, wondrous, glorious tequila. And you know the best thing About tequila? I can legally buy it. And drink it. And get tipsy.

Tequila is a splended liquor. You can add it to different Mexican dishes, marinade chicken with it and margarita (Triple Sec and Sweet and Sour, your welcome). You can drink it in shot form. Tequila sunrises (Orange juice and a splash of grenadine). Tequila...


Recently I've consumed quite a bit of the substance. In the form of margaritas. Blended mango (And since it's not mango season in Maine, it really never is, I suggest Master of Mixes Mango Margarita/Daiquiri mix) and on the rocks lime. Both are tasty. I recommend them.

Next week when I get my updated Californian license in the mail, I plan on purchasing some more rum so I can hit my strawberry daiquiris. I'll add my recipe next week ('Cause I've figured out nobody wants to read about my personal life)!

Okay Spring,

I keep forgetting I have a blog. No, that's not really true. I just keep neglecting it because certian people, meaning most of the world, are not privy to my thoughts. But tonight I'm in the mood to write, and since I stopped writting dirty poetry for some odd reason, I get to write down some thoughts into this thing.

I live in Maine. I'm a married woman who's husband is in Afghanistan trying to fight a war we (Americans) have no business fighting. I live closest to my inlaws, a choice I made months ago when I was niave and had no clue. I didn't know them when I moved here with my dog. Now I wish I didn't live so close (to certain ones).

I've survived a winter in Maine. I personally think that's some sort of feat for a woman born and raised in Orange County, California, who's never been out of the state for more than a few weeks at a time. I moved away from everybody and everything I knew to travel cross country and settle in a place I had no idea about. I've been here for seven months and I have few friends, and an even less number I can rely on. And since I'm a bum and never managed to get a job out here, the likelyhood of making more is slim to none. I hike, I walk, I bum around the house, play games on my computer, xbox, wii , watch movies and stumble into different crafts. In the winter I started snowboarding when I wasn't freezing my valley girl ass off. And now that the snow is pretty well history, soon I can start kayaking and hiking more.

Since it's spring, I'd decided I should plant some flowers. I'd gone to Lowes one decent 60 degree Fahrenheit afternoon with the forecast saying it shouldn't get get below 45 the next few nights. I'd purchased a couple of carnations, planted them. That night it dropped below freezing. They died. We'll see how my morning glorys which I started by planting indoors turn out.

I'm also looking forward to when my husband comes home. Not looking forward to what it entails about certain other things. And that's as much detail I'm going into that with. Although we're planning to have a BBQ at some point while we're here. That ought to be fun. Please remind me to stock up on booze?

My husband and I will be moving to Germany this summer because of the military. It is something we're both looking forward to. As much as I do enjoy it out here in Maine, living in Europe and getting to travel is something you only get to do once. Unless, of course, you live there. I mean for your entire life. But for my husband and I, it's something we hope to enjoy. We plan on touring around Europe one long weekend at a time.

As for now, the days and the nights are warming up. A blessing for me. I sure do love spring and summer. I love the warmth when it envelopes you. I love being active and being out. Bailey-cakes loves it too. She has been the best companion in these long months. Without her, I don't think I would have made it without having some serious break downs. And it makes me realize that there can be many who "love" you, but very few who will love you unconditionally. Thankfully, I know who those five are.

Care Packages For Your Soldier

Military wife; a title that would accurately describe me. Confused as to why our men and women are stationed in the middle of a desert is how I'm feeling. Nun; Not yet, but for how long I've been celibate, I have a feeling it wont be long until I'm a virgin again. That last sentence wasn't really relevant but it doesn't matter. For you military wives who have gone through a deployment, you should have a general idea of what I'm talking about. For those of you who have not yet, you're in for a surprise (and you may want to get yourself a B.O.B. in the meantime. Just to prepare).

Aside from the previous paragraph, this blog entry is directed toward anybody who has friends or family in the military and is interested in sending care packages. I know there are other blogs out there and websites which list items to send via care package, but for those of you who stumble upon this first, it saves you the trouble of looking for another (I also know I blogged a small list before, but this includes more with better descriptions and fancy links).

Here is a list of things which would be good to send to your soldier:

• Jerky
• Popcorn (pre-popped and can be flavored; Cheese, caramel, herb infused, whatever: you get the point. There are many companies out there like Fritolay with Smart Food as well as other brands.)
• Ramen
• Ketchup (Just don't be a cheapass when buying and sending ketchup, nobody likes bad ketchup.)
• Peanut Butter
• Jam/Jelly (Plastic container recommended)
• Crackers
• Cookies (Whether it be freshly baked at home, Chips Ahoy!, Keebler, Mothers. Most cookies should be safe to send, although I would steer away from obvious kinds that would melt en route.)
• Headphones (In ear or even a good set of Deejays.)
• Empty Spray Bottles
• Personal Battery Operated Mini Fan
• Colgate wisps (Some locations these are not necessary, but if your soldier does not have continuous access to a bathroom these are a godsend.)
• Granola bars
• Oatmeal
• Blankets (Although many of our soldiers are stationed in the desert, do not be mistaken that it's boiling hot there all the time, it gets pretty freakin cold there in the winter.)
• Pictures (Not all soldiers have access to electricity or the internet all the time. Facebook is not a guarentee. Print out some hard copies and send them. Walgreens and CVS have generally cheap prices on prints.)
• Deodorant
• Razer Blades (For shaving.)
• Boots (Extra pair of military grade combat boots can come in handy, especially if your soldier is an unusual size)
• Pens
• Highlighters
• Sharpies
• Fabric softener sheets
• M&Ms
• Console Games (XBOX, PS3, Wii. Some companies like Gamefly will send games directly to your soldier at their FOB.)
• Handheld Device Games (PSP, Gameboy Advance)
• Lithium Rechargeable Battery (For handheld devices: iPOD, cell phones, PSP. Lenmar Battery, or similiar devices.)
• Poptarts
• Canned Soup
• Instant Soup Mix
• Ready Mixers (Made by Healthy Choice)
• Hormel Compleats ( Hormel microwavable ready meals)
• Homestyle Creations ( Marie Callendars)
• Drink Packets (Crystal Light, Koolaid, Country Time)
• Instant Coffee
• Trail Mix
• Nuts
• Holiday Themed Items (I would avoid real pumpkins, real Christmas trees, rabbits, chicks or any other living things)
• Letters
• Books
• Magazines
• Tooth Brushes
• Rice Crispy Treats (Individually packaged recommended)
• Portable Hard Drives (With music, movies and pictures stored on it)
• Extra bags (Sandwich size, quart size, gallon. I'm sure they come in handy.)
• Qtips
• .5"-1" Paint Brushes (To clean guns)
• Hard Candy (Life Savers, Jolly Ranchers, etc.)
• Chapstick
• Soap
• Gum
• Hot Chocolate Packages
• Easymac

There are many locations where you can pick up these items: Walmart, Target, local supermarket. And it is unnecessary to send all the items in one box. Most of these items are not needed, but they do make the stay over seas a little more comfortable on our soldiers.

It is recommended to bag your items in a trash bag before you slip them into the box you are sending just to avoid leaks and water/fluid damage to your own parcel. Otherwise, your soldier has an extra bag to store personal items, trash or can even use it as a fashion item.

When sending packages from the USA, the best and cheapest way to send your packages is via USPS Flat Rate Box which ships anywhere domestic or APO/AE for one flat rate, more if you'd like to put insurance on it.

There are other obviously other things you can send, these are just things listed for those of you who haven't the vaguest clue on what to send.

For those of you who don't want to go to the trouble of putting together your own care package, you can go to different websites which package and ship variety of care packages. Troop Care Pack, Military Care Packages dot Net, I'm sure you can google more.

To see other items and restrictions based on your soldiers location, you can go to

http://www.operationmilitarypride.org/packages.html

I hope the list and links help!

As this summer comes to a close...

The summer's almost over, which means fall is on it's way. This year will be the first year in my life where I'll be able to experience fall in all it's glory, followed by winter and then lovely spring. Had you told me a few years ago that I'd be freezing my ass off next to Canada in the winter of 2010, I would have laughed. Now I'm not sure if I want to cry. What I am pretty certain of, is this winter I am most definitely going to need an electric blanket wrapped around me 24/7. Hello cancer! Here I'm already complaining about how cold I'm going to get and I'm not even to that point yet.

Seeming as it's the end of summer, maybe I ought to chat about that instead? Alright, if you insist. This past summer has been one hell of a ride. Getting married at the end of May to Combat Boots, then him leaving a few days later to be deployed to Afghanistan to fight in a war that shouldn't even concern us because it's been going on forever, is how my summer began for me. After he was shipped off, I spent a month and a half in California packing and tying up loose ends. Attended some social gatherings, skipped out on working Circus at the Honda Center and in July I was on the road with my father and this cute little devil on the way to Tennessee.

Bailey and I spent three (not so) blissful weeks staying with my aunt and her husband before I got a uhaul and gtfo out of there. We made our two day drive north and crash landed smack dab in the middle of Maine at my in-laws. I love them. They treat me like a human. A real human. I like being treated like a real human. And they say they love me (Well, my mother in-law does anyway) :). And within the first week of being here, I found a nice little house for me and the pup to wait out the rest of Combat Boot's deployment in.

Four months in and I'm ready for it to be over. I am so ready for him to come home. I hate to sound sappy, but it really just doesn't feel right without him and his ridiculous smile. I swear this deployment shit was thought up by eunuchs, because no sane strait man with lovely wife and family would want to leave (unless his wife is a bitch and his family sucks, but even then...). Although I can't speed along his deployment, I do try to make it go by easier with care packages once or twice a month with some of the creature comforts of home:
Jerky
Popcorn
Ramen
Ketchup
Peanut butter
Crackers
Chips ahoy cookies
Headphones
Empty spray bottles
Colgate wisps
Granola bars
Blankets
Slutty pictures of his wife
Not so slutty pictures of his wife
Pictures of the pup
Deodorant
Razer blades for shaving
Extra pair of combat boots
Pens
Highlighters
Sharpies
Fabric softener sheets
Homemade Cookies
M&Ms
Xbox Games
PS3 Games
And some more things

Creature comforts seem to be a plus for most the soldiers and I know my husband appreciates them.

That seems about all, hopefully I'll start making up dog treats again as soon as I move into my new place and if I do, I expect you to buy for your canine's yummy needs. :)

Tied The Knot

On the 27th of May, Combat Boots and I tied our union down at the county courthouse. We wore our finery, went to a nice dinner that evening and got a hotel room with an in room jacuzzi, jaaaa. It was a planned ordeal which was supposed to originally occur in February, not May, but because one of his superior officers had a hair up his butt one day, it got pushed back. We finally got to tie the knot and I'm happy we did. I'm not very happy that we only had two weeks with each other, though.

He was granted his two weeks of leave before his deployment to towelhead land, which he had to leave to within a week from when he got back to his station. We spent an amazing two weeks spending time with each other and family. One week at his parents house in Maine; one week at my father's house in California. Maine was gorgeous and beautiful, California pissed me off. I hate traffic. Especially California traffic where everybody drives like an asshole. About half the time we were in California we were either smothered by my G-ma or stuck in traffic.

Although we had such a limited time, we enjoyed each other in Maine, where we spent time out together or with on of his siblings or even just with a few of his relatives. Except for when we got called up in front of his mother's church. I didn't really enjoy that. Nope, not really. In California, we enjoyed each other and food. That would sum up California pretty good, other than we were both about ready to throw my G-ma overboard.

We started out our marriage healthy and happy. He leaves for Afghanistan this weekend which makes me nervous, but I'm sure he'll make it home in one piece and I'm sure our marriage will survive the year he'll be gone. 'Cause if we can make it through a year of him gone living in a war zone, we can damn near make it through anything.

The Gopher Mocks Me

For the past year, my backyard has had a Gopher which undoubtedly has turned into the Gopher and it's offspring, which has continued to tunnel and tear up my yard. We've shoved the hose down countless of fresh holes (One time even managing to get it stuck four feet in the ground. Intelligent fucking rodent). We've shoved poison down its holes. We've sat outside with BB and pellet guns, waiting for it to rear it's small little rodent head out of one of its many holes. I've even sprayed the entire backyard with weed killer in order to try to deter it, kill it, make it go away.

It won't leave. It won't leave permanently, anyway. It seems to pop in between my horny neighbors' yard and my own, and probably some of the other neighbors yards as well. No matter what we seem to do to get rid of it, shy of blowing up the backyard, doesn't seem to work and since it's been mocking me the past two days, I'm even more determined to kill it.

We've been tearing down the pool we've had in the backyard for about the past ten years or so, a rather large dough-boy. It's gone through numerous liners which all seem to fail and allow grass to grow through, it's suffered through the Gopher tunneling under it, making some parts underneath the liner cave and sink. And It's suffered from greenness (lack of chemicals). It just got to the point where it was hard to keep up with the upkeep of it, especially since chemicals aren't cheap, so it was decided that we (as in me) tear it down. And the Gopher seems to enjoy mocking me while I carry out this mission.

Yesterday, while pulling pool parts onto the concrete so the lack of sun wouldn't kill the grass (or what's left of it), the gopher presented itself two feet away from me, nibbling on some grass. I lacked in hand killing tools, and as I reached for the area I heard it (with gloves on of course), it got away. I shoved a handful of poison in three of the holes nearby and when I went to put the poison away, one of them had been filled in by time I had returned. I hoped the poison would take effect.

Today, while filling in the area where the pool had been in, I came across a tunnel in our man-made hill which I was getting the dirt from. I continued on digging and filling up the pool area, when suddenly the Gophers little rodent head reared itself out of one side of the tunnel. Bye time the shovel had come down where its head had been, it was gone (and not in a dead way).

I am determined to kill it, but the poison doesn't seem to work. Trying to drown it doesn't seem to work. Weed killer doesn't seem to help. My dog is defective, he doesn't seem to help. And trying to shoot it doesn't seem to work either with the network of tunnels it hides in. I need explosives. Because it will die, one way or another.

Off Limits

There are definitely points in time in my life where I just want to turn around, bitch slap someone and say “what the fuck”. Especially to my neighbor.



Ever since he’d moved in next door he’s been oogling me to the point of even trying to make a go for my pants. Not that I didn’t look when he first moved in (before he acquired a beer belly and a disturbing red beard), I did. But I was also desperate (very). I hadn’t had much (any) male contact for about two years which had been even remotely similar to dating.

When I had started going out with guys again, he took notice. By that time I had definitely lost interest in my not so hot neighbor. However, he’d watch my dates walk me up to my porch after our date (or in some cases see the pathetic jerks drive off). Then take that as his que to launch right in through text message, calling, or sometimes catching me unawares while I’d be out going to my car or collecting mail. Poor fool for not realizing I wasn’t interested. And I, not having the heart to tell him off, just tried avoiding him.

He was fairly persistent though, especially when I’d been dating Air Force Fag. He could have seen us together and by time Air Force Fag had driven off, I’d be getting invited next door. He didn’t think it was a problem I had a boyfriend. He just wanted to have a little fun with no strings attached.

No strings attached you say Not So Hot neighbor? Well aren’t you just a barrel of laughs. Being the type of person I am, I could never cheat. Even if I knew a relationship would never last. And if I were to be tempted to cheat, wouldn’t I want it to be with somebody remarkably better looking? With somebody who had a bit more to talk about than weed, baseball and hockey? I am more content at the moment with sitting and talking with my fiancé about absolutely nothing and watch him pick his nose, than sit there with my neighbor and talk about that crap. I have almost no interest in sports and I hate drugs. I’m pretty sure that would cut down the topics of conversation.

Even when he has been told off, he just hangs out on the sidelines, still watching me wash my car or do yard work. Occasionally he’d text message me, which is somewhat easy to ignore.

I guess I just don’t understand how many times you need to tell a person no in order for them to get the picture and just move on. It's not that I play hard to get; I don't. I play 'I'm off limits, don't touch me.'